Life After You
by thedanceshedoes
Summary: Teddy thought that there was no life after Henry's death. Was she right? What if he left a piece of him with her? What if he combined 50% of his genes with hers before dying?
1. Life after You

**Life after you**

**AN: Hello, guys! This is supposed to be a one-shot, but I might turn it into a few chapters, it all depends on your comments… So, if you really enjoyed it, just let me know and I'll do my best to keep it going **

**You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times.**

**And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you.**

**But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry**

**Is how long must I wait to be with you.***

As a surgeon, you see death as the end of the line. Perhaps you do believe in life after death, perhaps you do believe that the person you love might still be here, around you, watching over you to keep you safe, warm and loved. But, as a surgeon, you know that there is no life after death. You know that all you're seeing is only your imagination trying to replace an empty space, trying to fill your soul with love, trying to convince you that there is life beyond the strident sound of a deep beep.

Henry was gone and Teddy couldn't believe it. The only thing she remembered was that she was in surgery, saving a woman's life, taking out a screw of her heart, sewing the biggest tear she has ever seen. All she could say was that she had fell in love with a man she barely knew, she had completely fell in love with him and all she wanted to see after a crazy day at the hospital was Henry's face, all she wanted to hear when she was sad, was Henry's voice, all she wanted to feel, when a tear was streaming down her face, was Henry's hand trying to catch it before it fell down and wet her shirt. She wouldn't get it anymore. She would wake up in the middle of the night, after the worst nightmare and she would keep staring at an empty bed. She'd come back home and she would have to talk to the universe, because no one would be there waiting for her, no one would ask her how her day had been, how she was feeling, how tired she was, especially, no one would give her a kiss of goodnight and tell her how important she was.

Probably, this was the creepiest thought crossing her mind then. She was mad at Owen for not telling her right after it happened. She was mad at Cristina, with no reason – she knew – but she was. She needed someone to blame. She was sad, sad as she had never been before.

That day was supposed to be theirs. She was supposed to come home, bring Henry a fancy dinner and tell him the news. She was supposed to tell him she really, deeply, loved him, that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That she didn't love him, in the first place, but that she fell in love with him and that she found out what exactly people meant when they said: "you only get the real meaning of love when you fall in love with someone". She was supposed to come home that night and apologize. Apologize for being rude to him earlier that day. Apologize for telling him Med school wasn't his thing.

However, she didn't actually have the time to say all that to him. She didn't have the time to look him in the eye and wait for his reaction after what she was about to tell him. She didn't get the chance to share with him the most precious moment a couple can have, because when se came home that night, her husband was in the kitchen, his hands holding the sink, his back facing the entrance door. The first thing Teddy wanted to do that night was to embrace him, put her arms around his giant back and whisper at his ears the news. She didn't get the chance to do it. And Henry would never get to know it. That was why she wanted to believe he was still around, so then she would be able to tell him anyways.

**I close my eyes and I see your face**

**If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place**

Owen opened the OR's door. He couldn't move. He kept staring at Teddy from the washing room. He had never seen her sobbing the way she was. Even in the middle of the war zone, Teddy has never sobbed the way she was sobbing there, in middle of the O.R.

"Why did you have to go, Henry? Why did you leave me? I didn't even have the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love and care about you. I did, I do, I will always do, Henry."-Teddy moved the sheet away from Henry's face. Tears started coming down her face and no one was there to dry them out, the only person that would do that, without she even asking, would be the man that was lying on that table.-"God, Henry. I never thought I could love someone the way I love you. You managed to get me into you. The man I barely knew, the man I met on my shift, someone that I helped, someone I married to with no intention to fall in love. Look at us…"- Teddy kissed Henry's lips.

She wasn't being a surgeon in that moment. She was talking to the universe, she was starting to believe in what people said about life after death. She didn't want to believe in that, but it was the only way she would be able to manage the pain. She'd only be able to pass through this if she could speak to Henry one more time, because she had something really important to share with him.

There are some bonds that should be unbreakable, but somehow, people always manage to break a bond. Destiny is the highest bond breaker on Earth and Teddy would have to deal with it. She didn't believe in fate, because – for her – things were not meant to be, they just happen, they just get in front of you and you grab it as tight as you can. But, how would she explain what just happened to her? She wanted to blame fate for this, but she knew it wasn't its fault. She wanted to say it was meant to be, that Henry would die eventually… That everybody dies someday. That's what she's learnt on her Med school. That was the speech she was used to say out loud when she lost a patient. However, this wasn't a good speech for this moment. She wouldn't blame fate, she wouldn't blame Cristina, it was no one's fault.

Owen was tempted to get in there and try to stop her from doing what she was doing. He knew she was really mad at him, he knew that maybe she would never look him in the eye again. He knew that what he has done was purely selfish and unkind, but she was his best friend. She was the one who helped him out when he was going to breakouts in the middle of the war zone, she was the one standing right beside him when he had to face his own fears saving a patient in the middle of a shooting. She was always there for him, no matter what he needed, no matter when or even where, she was always there and, as a friend, it was his job to be by her side, even if it was to get his face punched by her.

Owen approached the O.R's entrance. He pressed the button and opened that door. Teddy didn't even move from her chair, the only thing she could feel was a hand reaching for her left shoulder, Owen's hand.

"You know, Teddy."-He said, pulling a stool closer to hers.-"I didn't tell you this. In fact, I didn't tell you anyone what I'm about to say."-Owen dried a teardrop that was coming down Teddy's left eye. She looked him in the eye for the first time that night.-"I went to the war zone, because I needed to prove myself I was capable of saving some lives. I went to that creepy place, because I didn't believe I could actually be a doctor. And I was right, I wouldn't have become a doctor if I haven't gone to that creepy place. You know why?"-He asked her, knowing the only answer he would get would be Teddy moving her head to say "no".-"Because if I hadn't gone there, I wouldn't have met you. You are my role model, Teddy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Henry before, I'm sorry I didn't let you say goodbye to him properly."-Owen took Teddy's left hand to place it in the middle of his hands.

They kept quite for a while, until Teddy decided to speak up for the first time.

"Tell me something, Owen. Why is life a bitch? Why do things happen in a blink of an eye? Why are we here in a second and in the other we are gone? Why does it take us almost our whole lives to realize that what we've always wanted has always been right in front of us? Why do we only realize those kinds of things when it's too late? I was having my moment, Owen. I thought I had finally found what I was looking for. You know, we wanted to become surgeons and we did. We spent a lot of time studying our asses of just to get all the fellowships we wanted and for what? To end up loveless and lonely? The man I love his lying here, right in front of us, in one of our . He really loved him, Owen. I was going to tell him this tonight, I was going to have dinner with him, because I got to know it today…"- Teddy froze. She didn't even realize what she was saying. Perhaps because she needed to tell someone that, perhaps because she wanted to listen to what other people think about that.

"You got to know that you loved him? He knew that already Teddy. Don't blame yourself for not saying that out loud once again."-He dried another tear from her check.

"Owen…"-She mumbled.-"I hate you for not telling me the truth when my husband was lying on a surgery table. I hate you for coming in my O.R and lying on my face. I know you did it for my sake, because you're my friend and you really do care about me, but I hate you right now and it might take a long time for me to stop hating you, but…"-She faced Owen's eyes before telling him what she was about to.-"I went to my doctor today, Owen. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, ok?"-She started sobbing again while staring at Henry. He was still with the tube place on his mouth, he was pale, he was cold, he was not there anymore and the though of losing him was increased by Teddy's hormones.-"I've known it for a while, Owen, but I didn't want to tell anyone before I knew it was certain. I took a pregnancy home test two weeks ago and I only had time to book an appointment this week.".

Owen froze. His hands pressed Teddy's hands even tighter. He could feel the sadness in her voice, he could say she was going to have a breakout right in front of her and know he could totally understand her point. Teddy has always told him that she wanted to find a man who loved her and care about her. A man that was good enough to be the father of her children, because she wanted to have –at least- two of them. She promised him he'd be the godfather if she ever had a boy, so, for Owen, that moment was supposed to be a happy moment, but – instead- it was being the saddest one.

"Oh my God, Teddy."-He hugged her for the first time that night.-"I don't even know what to say… This is all you've ever wanted."

"It was all I've ever wanted, but, if I could change it for Henry's life, I would. A woman is not supposed to raise a child alone, Owen. It takes two people to make a baby and, so, it takes two people to raise one. I don't want this baby to be fatherless, Owen. I don't…"

"Hey, hey!"-He hugged her again.-"No one is gonna be fatherless here, ok? I'm your friend and I'll be there for whatever you need, ok? I can even go to the birthing classes with you. I can help you paint the room, build up the crib or even change the diapers. You're not alone here, Teddy. Everyone is going to help you, ok?"

The thought of losing Henry was too much for her to bear right then. She was there, with Owen holding her tight, looking at her husband for the last few minutes. She wanted to be able to open him up and take care of all his wounds, to heal him from whatever that was taking him away. She was a surgeon and as a surgeon she was in the right to be mad at Medicine, because Medicine failed on Henry and now she wasn't able to share with her husband the happiest new she has ever received.

Owen promised her he would be there for whatever she needed and she trusted him. She was going to trust him, because he was all she had left. Well, not now, not anymore. Teddy wouldn't die loveless and lonely. She'd never be alone again. In a few months she would start feeling the first movements of her progeny. In a few months she would start feeling that Henry was not completely dead. That half of him was still with her and Medicine could prove her that. In fact, there would be a life after Henry. It wouldn't be perfect as it would be if he was here, but it would be easier, because every day she would wake up at half of his genes and she would feel once again her whole world vibrating with his.

***Mercy Me - Homesick**


	2. Flowers for a Ghost

**2- Flowers for a Ghost**

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><p><strong>AN: Guys, thank you so much for your reviews! It means a lot! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I have more to come... Thank you so much!**

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><p>That house has never been so lonely before. Even when Henry wasn't living there, Teddy has never felt so lonely. She knew it was irrational, she knew she wasn't alone and that she'd never be alone again, because those little kicks she was feeling were only a proof of what was coming.<p>

Owen has been there for her. She thought she wouldn't need his help, but at this stage, all she wanted was Owen around to help her tie her shoes, get out of her car, or even to pick up a pen she dropped on the floor. And by having Owen around, she has realized that if Henry was there, he'd be doing that with her, he'd be tying her shoes in the morning, he'd drive to the closest pharmacy to buy her something for heartburn, he'd give her a massage and, especially, he'd have been by her side, holding her hand, when she found out that their baby was a girl.

It was hard for Teddy to have Owen around, but it would be harder if she didn't have anyone to help her through this. She was about to give birth to her first daughter, she was about to pass through the most painful moment a woman can pass through, but also through the happiest moment of her life, the moment in which she would bring life to the world. She knew she'd be happy, but she also knew that, right in the moment she'd look into her daughter's eyes, tears would stream down her face, because she'd see in her Henry's eyes, Henry's life.

This child would be Henry's everlasting memory. Every time Teddy would look at her daughter, she'd remember the greatest moments she had spent with Henry, the day they first met, the day they first kissed… She knew she would and that was totally painful.

"Teddy, are you there?" – Owen knocked.

"Yeah… I'm just… I'm just packing, you never you when a baby wants to get out of you so it's better to have it all packed and…"

"Hey." – Owen approached, held her arm, made her look into his eyes and listen to what he had to say. – "You're gonna be a wonderful mom, I'm sure Henry is very proud of you and this little girl here"-Owen put his hand on Teddy's belly – "is gonna be the happiest kid I've ever met. We are all here for you, Teddy. Cristina, Meredith, Callie, Arizona, Bailey… Everybody. You just gotta trust yourself. You just gotta believe that what happened was supposed to happen and that it's not your fault, that it's no one's fault."

"I know, Owen. It's just… It's hard, you know? We saw people die when we were on the war zone every single day. I thought I was getting used to death, but, guess what? I'm not… I didn't even get the chance to say everything I had to say…"

"Teddy, we had this talk a lot of times. You didn't know that Henry was gonna die that day, you couldn't have known. It's not your fault. And she is your daughter, she is your and Henry's daughter. No matter what happens, he will always be around."

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><p>Since Henry's funeral, Teddy has never been to his grave again. Cemeteries were places she was afraid from, but she had to face her fear, because she thought that, by going there, she'd be closer to Henry, that he'd eventually listen to what she had to say.<p>

It was late December. The snow was covering all graves from Seattle's cemetery, but Teddy knew exactly where Henry's grave was. It was near a cherry blossom tree. The only cherry blossom tree in the entire cemetery. She picked that place for his grave, because one day he told her that his favorite tree was a cherry blossom and he had a very good reason for that.

"_I clearly remember my happiest day with you. Remember when we kissed under that cherry blossom tree and you told me you should have met me before? You asked me where I had been this entire time. You told me that after the first time you actually felt something for me, you started believing in fate. That you found out that things happen for reasons and that things always turn around. That was the happiest moment I had with you, because you proved me that you loved me no matter what. So, now I can tell you that cherry blossoms trees are my favorites, not only because it smells good, but because it's just like us, something strong, colorful, full of love and sweet."_

That was why Teddy chose that cherry blossom tree to be Henry's place. Because, after that day, she had no doubts about whether it was love or just some chemicals running through her limbic system.

She approached, carrying some flowers for his grave. Her trench coat couldn't hide her advanced stage of pregnancy. She was there to tell Henry what she wanted to tell him the day he died. She was there to tell him it was girl, that he'd be a dad very soon and that she needed him around.

Teddy cleared some snow from Henry's grave. She kneeled down and stared at the only thing that was proving her Henry was there, down under her knees. That giant rock saying: Henry Burton, be loved husband and father. The images of his funeral were coming to her mind, the tears, the condolences, everybody trying to keep her away from sadness. She placed the red roses in front of Henry's grave.

"You know, I didn't get the chance to tell you that you were going to be a father, you didn't even have the chance to know it is a girl and she doesn't have a name. I thought that, perhaps, coming here would help me figure out how to name her. That maybe you'd give me a signal or something, but I believe this is stupid. I know you are not around anymore, but only the thought of being able to talk to you is good enough for me. I wanted to be here. I wanted you to be with me when this baby is born. I wanted you to be the one to cut her cord, to hand her to me, to show her to all our friends. I wanted this, but I won't have it. I'm getting used to it. Of course that I'll never stop missing you, but this child will help me through this…".

Teddy didn't finish saying what she had to say. Again, something got in between her talk to Henry. She knew it wasn't the snow melting, she knew it wasn't the ice cooling her pants, she knew it was the amniotic liquid wetting her clothes, telling her it was time to get ready, that contractions would get more intense, that she'd have to push eventually. But, again, she wasn't ready, she wasn't ready to decide how to name her daughter, she wasn't ready to push. She was feeling alone, even though she knew she wasn't.

"Owen?"

"Teddy? What's wrong?"

"My water just broke. I'm at the National Cemetery, can you come get me?"


	3. Goodbye, my lover Hello, my daughter

**Goodbye, my lover.**

**Hello, my daughter.**

**N/A: **_Guys, thanks so much for all the comments. I'm really sorry for taking this long to update... I hope you enjoy this one!_

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><p><strong>Because I saw the end before we'd begun,*<br>Yes, I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
>So I took what's mine by eternal right.<br>Took your soul out into the night.  
>And may be over, but it won't stop there,<br>I am here for you if you'd only care.**

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><p>"<em>My water just broke."<em> – Those were Teddy's last words before Owen dropped the phone and ran to meet her. He promised her he would be around to hold her hand during her labor and he would stick to his promise until the very end.

She stayed there, sitting in front of Henry's grave, in front of her daughter's father grave. That was supposed to be the best day of her life, of their lives, and it would, but it would be even better if he was around to hold her hand and tell her she would be okay. She wanted him to be there to tell her she was almost done, that he could see their daughter's hair and that it was as blonde as Teddy's hair was. She wanted him to be there so then she would have someone to yell to when another contraction hit her body making her succumb into a bubble of pain.

She was there, asking herself "is that to much to ask? To have you once again around me, Henry? Just to meet our daughter, to hold her in your warm arms, to be the first member of her family to hold her, to cut the cord. Is that too much to ask?". The minute she stopped saying those words she knew there would be no answer, but, to her surprise, someone replied.

"This is not too much to ask, Teddy. In fact, this is the least you could ask for. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. It must be a mixture of sadness and happiness, something you will never be able to explain. However, everybody is at SGH waiting for you, because this is supposed to be the best day of your life and it's gonna be."- Owen handed his hand to Teddy.

"I don't think I can get up, Owen."

He, then, wrapped one of his arms around her legs and another around her thorax. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stared at his eyes.

"Thanks for coming."- she said.

"I told you I would and here I am. That's what friends are for. I'll always be here for you, whenever you need, for whatever reason you need me to."

"Even to help me hide a body?"- she smiled at him, as she always did when she was joking.

"Nice try, Teddy. But I would. I definitely would help you to hide a body."

They approached the car. Owen helped her to get on it. She grabbed his arm tighter and gently asked him to do not move.

"Contraction? How far apart are them?"

"I don't know. I think 5 minutes apart… Just stay here for a while, please." – she glanced at him. – "Owen?"

"I'm right here, Teddy."- Despite the cold wind outside, Teddy was sweating. He took a tissue from his pocket and dried her forehead.

"No, I have to tell you something."

He froze. Whatever she needed to tell him, was something important. She wouldn't stop in the middle of a contraction just to tell him she had to say something. It wasn't like Teddy to do something like that. He stared at her, waiting for her words to come out her mouth and hit him.

"What is it, Teddy?"

"I-I can't start pushing, Owen! You have to make this stop! I can't let her out yet! I'm not ready."- tears were streaming down Teddy's face in the minute she realized she was about to give birth. – "I can't. I don't know how! I'm not ready! I need Henry, Owen!"

Owen shushed her. He knew she wanted her husband to be around, he wished he could bring Henry back just for a few hours. He wished he could make all her pain go away, but he couldn't. The only thing he could do was to be there, holding her hand, making her breathe, telling her how great she was doing. All he could do was to pretend to be the husband she didn't have.

"Teddy, you listen to me."- He put both hands on her face and dried the rest of all those teardrops that have been flooding her cheeks. – "You're the strongest and most fearless person I've ever met in my entire life. You're the one who told me I should run after Cristina, even when you knew you felt something for me. You're the one who saved me from a mine when we were in the warzone. You're the one who saved a woman's life while your husband was having a surgery that you knew that could kill him. You were there, hanging in there, pretending everything was okay and giving your best. And, guess what? You succeeded in everything, because you're strong, because you always manage to do what you have to do, even when you don't know how to. And this is just the simplest thing you have to do. You know how to push, you're strong. This is it. You can do it and I'm here for you, okay?"

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><p><strong>Touched my heart you touched my soul.<br>You changed my life and all my goals.  
>And love is blind and that I knew when,<br>My heart was blinded by you.  
>I've kissed your lips and held your head.<br>Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
>I know you well, I know your smell.<br>I've been addicted to you.**

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><p>"How far is she?"- Cristina reached them as soon as Owen go in SGH with Teddy in his arms – "We need a wheelchair here, please?"<p>

"I don't know. I didn't have the chance to check it, but she told me her contractions are 5 minutes apart, so she might be almost there. It took me a while to get to her, because the road was way to slippery due to this blizzard."

They took Teddy to the maternity floor. No one could tell she had been crying, but everybody could see something wasn't going really well with her. Those nine months she had been carrying that baby passed like that. She was happy, but also sad and everybody could tell that just by looking into her eyes.

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><p><strong>Remember us and all we used to be<br>I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
>I've watched you sleeping for a while.<br>I'd be the father of your child.  
>I'd spend a lifetime with you.<br>I know your fears and you know mine.  
>We've had our doubts but now we're fine,<br>And I love you, I swear that's true.  
>I cannot live without you.<strong>

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><p>People say that the second most difficult loss is your spouse's, because the bond between you two is so strong and so in sync that when one of you is gone, it's like something went out of orbit, like life got away from its tracks and there is nothing, but time, to put it back on track. They say you never recover from it, but that – as the years pass by – it gets easier and even bearable. Teddy knew it would get easier. She knew she would be able to come back to the state of happiness, but it would take her time. And this time was killing her. She had to move on, but she couldn't, because everything she touched, everything she smelled, remembered her of Henry.<p>

She left Henry's pillow on the right side of her bed, just to remind herself that he used to sleep there, by her side, every single night since the day they decided to move in together. When things were difficult, and she wanted him to listen to her, she used to sit on the left side of their bed, to take his pillow and wrapped her arms around it. She used to sniff it, so she could smell Henry's cologne and feel as if he were there, right in front of her, listening to everything she had to say. It was hard, it was horrible to her and she didn't know how much longer she would be able to carry on like that, but was the only way she could manage to keep going on, for them, for her, for their daughter.

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><p><strong>And I still hold your hand in mine.<br>In mine when I'm asleep.  
>And I will bear my soul in time,<br>When I'm kneeling at your feet.**

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><p>"Teddy, are you listening?"- Owen looked at her, once she didn't answer what he asked her.<p>

"What did you say?"

"Do you want to take something?"

"No-no. I want this to be as natural as possible."

"Are you sure? Because you know that once is start pushing, there is no coming back…"

"I am, Owen."

She grabbed his hand as the contractions were reaching her even stronger. She didn't want to scream or to cry, but the pain she was feeling was so intense that she couldn't help herself from failing her wishes.

Owen was right there, as he promised, holding her hand, drying her forehead and even pulling her knees close to her chest when she started pushing.

"Push, Teddy! You can do it. I can see her head, you can do it. Just one more push and we are done. Just one more."

The way he said the "we" in that sentence sounded weird to Teddy's ears, but she didn't have the time or even the strength to analyze the probable meaning behind that pronoun. She knew that that could mean he still had feelings for her, but she didn't want to get her hopes up or anything like that. She didn't want to ruin Owen's marriage with Cristina. She didn't want to get in between a couple she truly admired, but the "we" in that sentence really sounded weird to her ears.

As the moment she stopped pushing, she heard her daughter's first cry. She couldn't help herself from crying, she couldn't stop sobbing when the doctor first put her daughter in her arms.

"Sir, do you wanna cut the cord?"

The room stayed quite. No one moved, no one said anything. Everybody, but that doctor, knew Owen wasn't Teddy's husband neither that little baby's father, but he made the first move anyways.

"Of course."

He cut the cord. He wasn't her father, he wasn't Teddy's husband, but he felt like this was his job. He felt like it would help Teddy through the moment, and, in fact, it did. When Owen cut the cord and released her daughter from the only thing that was still keeping her attached to Teddy, he could feel that she felt relieved. She looked at him and thanked him, thanked him while she was immersed in a moment of happiness, while she was trying to connect to her daughter by looking into her eyes and seeing she resembled her dad so much that it would get easier to live with the fact he wasn't around them anymore.

"She is beautiful, Teddy. She has your eyes."

"Thank you, Owen. Thank you for being here, for being this amazing friend of ours. Sydney is so lucky to have you around as her Godfather."

"Sydney?"

"I decided to name her after Henry's favorite city. He once told me he had only gone abroad once in his life and that Sydney was the coolest place on Earth. So I thought, why not?"

"Sydney is a wonderful name, Teddy. You did great. I told you you could do it."- he kissed her forehead and left.

For the first time in a long time, Teddy felt as if Henry was there. Embracing his girls, watching over them. Maybe this was time to say goodbye. Maybe this was the start of something completely new. She would miss him forever, but, by looking at their daughter, she could manage all the pain she was feeling.

***Goodbye my lover - James Blunt**


	4. The Philip to my Aurora

Hey, guys! Sorry for taking this long to update!

**A/N: I have no beta reader (actually, I'm looking for one, so if you are/wanna be a beta, feel free to let me know!) and I'm not a native speaker, so, sorry for all the mistakes ;)**

**This one is gonna be Teddy's POV. I know people usually hate POVs and first person chapters, but give it a try ;)**

**4- The Philip to my Aurora**

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><p><strong>Every step I take*<strong>

**Every move I make**

**Every single day**

**Every time I pray**

**I'll be missing you**

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><p><em>I don't know how I'd have passed through this if it wasn't for Sydney. If she wasn't here, I'm sure I wouldn't make it. And I'm not overreacting. Once you spend most part of your life living by your own and finally gets the chance to share a bond with someone, it gets harder for to come back to loneliness again. It would have been impossible for me to just get over you and move on with my life if I didn't have a goal ahead of me. If I, or we, didn't have a child to raise. I don't know what I'd have done. But, the thing is, I'm here, holding on, taking care of our daughter while you are gone.<em>

_I pray everyday for you to come home. For you to put the key in the keyhole and open that door saying: "I'm home. How are you, girls?". But this is just a wish. I know you are not coming back. I know I won't hear your voice ever again. It's just that it keeps me happy, it keeps me safe. That's why I come here, once a month, to talk to you. To show that – despite the fact that you are not here – Sydney is okay._

_Remember the day you asked me about the spare rooms I have in my apartment? I was sitting on the couch, holding my bowl of cereal and you were zipping through the channels, trying to find something for us to watch. It was raining outside and we were both sharing a blanket. You put your arms around my shoulders, looked me in the eye and asked me:_

"Why do you have two spare bedrooms if you said you're not planning on having kids?"

_You told me there and I suddenly froze. I wasn't planning on having children when I bought that apartment. I wasn't planning on having children until I fell in love with you. So, I straightened up and replied:_

"I wasn't planning, but now I'm considering. Actually, I bought this apartment because I like the view. And – the spare bedrooms – well, those are for the people that visit me, so then they don't have to spend money to stay in a hotel."

_You didn't buy what I said and I couldn't stop laughing at your face. It was amazing how you could read through me even if you didn't know me that well. Maybe that's what people say about love, that it is transcendent and eternal and that there is only when person you love the most, so – when you find this person – you start to see the need for things you didn't want to have before. Maybe that's why people say that when you are in love – even if you are experiencing an endorphin rush – you can feel things you never felt before. I'll never be able to say if this is 100% true, because I didn't have enough time to spend with you, but I'm certain that love is the right definition for what we had. I loved, still love and will always love you._

_And, Sydney, well, Sydney is the tangible proof of our love. She is the reason of why I'm standing right here – in front of your grave today, talking to you about what we had. And I feel like I have to do it, because if I don't, I might lose my mind. You wanna know why? I'm doing this because I am starting to feel like I'm forgetting you. Yesterday I was trying to remind myself of how good it was to listen to your voice, and truth be told, I couldn't remember how your voice sounded. I remembered I loved the way it sounded in the mornings, when you used to wake me up saying: _"Wake up, Aurora". _It was a husky voice in the mornings. My husky voice. And I loved the way you called me "Aurora". Remember the first time you called me that?_

"Wake up, Aurora. Your shift starts in 1 hour."

_That was a hell of a night, in a good way – of course. It was the first time we had sex. You were staying at my house for the night and we got together for the first time. I woke up, my hair was a mess, I had no clothes on and my brain wasn't even working by that time. I couldn't think, because we barely slept that night. I tried to look at you, but my hair was blocking the view, so you moved it from my face with your index finger. I thought you were joking about that, I mean, what kind of man would misname a woman after sex? So I asked you:_

"You know my name is not "Aurora", right?"

_You laughed at me. You laughed so hard that you had to rest your head on my chest. And I didn't understand what you were trying to say until you caught your breath and told me:_

"Aurora is a princess. A Disney princess. _Sleeping beauty._"

_I stopped right there. How could I be so dumb? So I started laughing with you until I was able to catch my breath and ask you another thing:_

"And how the hell do you know that?"

"I have a sister, remember? Therefore I know that." _You said._

_After that, you started calling me Aurora every chance you got. And, to be honest, I miss being called "Aurora", because that meant I was being loved. I might call Sydney "Aurora" when she gets older. That's something you would do if you were here, I'm sure. Oh, Henry, I miss you so bad. You were **the Philip to my Aurora**._

She stood up, with Sydney in her arms, and put her right hand on her right knee trying to remove the grass that had attached to her pants from kneeling down on Henry's grave. Now the story was different. Originally, Philip was the one who woke up Aurora from her sleep, but this time Philip was the one sleeping and Aurora didn't have the power to wake him up with a kiss. So she went home.

* * *

><p><strong>Thinking of the don<strong>

**When you went away**

**What a life to take**

**What a bond to break**

**I'll be missing you**

* * *

><p>Now, sitting on a chair, in Sydney's bedroom – with the baby resting in her arms – she started to talk to him again, because that was the way she could feel better. That was the way she felt she was loved.<p>

_You know what hurts me the most? Knowing that I have 50% of you right here, in my arms, but I don't have you. I look at her and I see you. She has your nose, your eyes and she is just as lovely as you were. No doubt she is your daughter, Henry. No doubt she is **ours. **It hurts me to think that she will never meet you. But here we are, the two of us, mother and daughter, together. You know what I love the most about her? That she loves to sleep against my chest and that she loves to find her way to the crook of my neck and rest her head there, just the way you used to do when we were sleeping together, remember? You used to go all your way up to my shoulder and rest your head in the crook of my neck. You breathed there and I just loved it._

_But I'm gonna move on. I have to move away from this grief. I have to be strong. I'm never gonna forget you, of course, because I have 50% of you right in front of me. All I need is for this pain to go away. I need to be able to breathe again. I need to be able to live without having to grief every time._

_If you were here – I know – you'd be watching us from the doorstep. You'd be standing right in front of us and you'd look at me right now and say: "I told you. You bought this apartment because you wanted to use the spare bedrooms. You wanted to fill them with children, but you were afraid to admit.". And, guess what? You were right when you said I was lying about that, because – since I was a kid – I've been planning on having children, I was just afraid I wasn't going to be good enough for a little me._

She fell asleep, with Sydney in her arms. She fell asleep right there and she dreamed of him. She dreamed they were together, holding hands, watching Sydney run around the park.

* * *

><p><strong>It's kinda hard with you not around<strong>

**Know you in Heaven smilin' down**

**Watching us while we pray for you**

**Everyday we pray for you**

**Till the day we meet again**

**In my heart is where I keep you friend**

**Memories give me the strength I need to proceed**

**Strength I need to believe**

**My thoughts, Big, I just can't define**

**Wish I could turn back the hands of time**

**Us and the six shop for new clothes and kicks**

**You and me takin' flics**

**Makin' hits, stages they receive you on**

**Still can't believe you're gone**

**Give anything to hear half your breath**

**I know you still livin' _your life after death_**

* * *

><p>Dealing with death isn't easy. Teddy new that. She was a doctor; she had to deal with it. But her patients are not family, ergo she is not used to dealing with grief, she is only used to dealing with death. She is used to dealing with the Idea that there is no life after death, but – now – she wished there was, because then she could know Henry was – somehow – there, watching over his girls.<p>

***I'll be missing you – P Diddy **


	5. It Still Gives Her The Butterflies

**NA: **Sorry for taking so long to update! Hope you enjoy this one as well!

**It still gives her the butterflies.**

**When you touch me, it's like the very first time.**

**I'm so lucky, to say that you're mine.**

**I still get those stupid butterflies,**

**But it's just what you do,**

**I'm loving everything you do.***

She had to admit that being a doctor didn't have anything to do with being a mother. She had studied some about peds when she was in University, but it didn't help her through her sleepless nights, it didn't help her to find out if Sydney's crying was related to some sort of bellyache, or if she was crying because she was hungry. This was something doctors couldn't do, but moms could.

Teddy was getting used to motherhood. It wasn't easy, but she was doing just fine. She knew that she wasn't alone, but she also knew that if Henry was there everything would be easier. She would have someone to help her through the nights, someone to poke in the middle of the night and say: "Hey, take her, it's your turn."

She knew it, but it was something unreachable. And there was only one thing left for her to do, _to carry on. _And Sydney was the best gift she could ever get from Henry. Sydney was the reason Teddy was still in this world. Sydney was the reason for Teddy to wake up every morning, put on her scrubs and drive to SGH. She was half of him, so when Teddy was holding her, she felt like Henry was there too. She felt those stupid butterflies reaching her stomach and making everything feel great. Teddy was herself again.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Altman?"<p>

Teddy turned around. A tall woman was standing right behind her. Two kids were hiding behind the woman's leg. Teddy didn't recognize her, but something resembled Henry. Something in that woman's eyes.

"Yes?"- Sydney was with her little arms wrapped around Teddy's neck.

"I'm Nina. Nina Burton." – she shook Teddy's hand.

For a moment Teddy froze. Did Henry have a wife and she didn't know about it? Did she come, because she heard Henry was dead and wanted his will? But those were just a few seconds that always cross through a woman's mind. She knew Henry would never do that to her, because he loved her and proved her he did.

So, she remembered a conversation they had a few months ago. Henry told her he had a sister who lived in Prague. He told her that he loved his sister so much that he didn't want to tell her about his cancer, that he didn't want to ask her for help, because she was way too busy taking care of her kids. And, for that matter, Teddy forgot about his sister when Henry died. She could have called, but she didn't even know the woman's name. But now, she was there, standing right in front of her, at SGH.

"You must be Henry's sister, right? The one from Prague… I'm so sorry I didn't call you, I don't even know how you got to know what happened… I've tried to reach you, but I couldn't find your number anywhere."

"Don't worry. Henry didn't want me here. He must have told you I was too busy working and taking care of my kids, which was sort of true. But, the thing is…"-Nina stopped for a while to stare at Sydney, who was asleep in Teddy's arms. – "Is she his?"

"Yes, this is Sydney."- Teddy turned around, so then Nina would be able to see Sydney's face.

"Did he know he was going to have a kid?"

"No… I was going to tell him the minute I got home that night. But when I reached the kitchen he was covered in blood, so I drove him to the hospital as fast as I could. I could have told him before he went to surgery, but I thought I'd get a proper time with him to sit and talk about this… I wanted it to be special."

Teddy couldn't stop staring at Nina. Her eyes, her nose, her hair color was exactly like Henry's. She was a female version of him and it was hard for Teddy to look at her and do not think about her deceased husband.

"Do you have any place we can talk? Like a cafeteria or something?" – Nina asked, taking the little girl from the ground, wrapping her arms around the little girl's body. She held the little boy's hand and followed Teddy.

Sydney was still asleep in Teddy's lap while they were talking. She had gotten a cold a few weeks ago, so now she was recovering her lack of sleep.

"So, Nina, what brings you here?"- Teddy emerged from her thoughts.

"I just wanted to meet you. Henry told me about you. Actually, he told me he had cancer a few weeks before he died. I didn't know about it and I'm sure that If I did, I'd have come here and I'd have helped him. He was my twin, for God's sake.".

"Your twin? He didn't tell me you were twins! Why would he do something like that?"

"Well, I'm sure he would tell you eventually. It's all because of a stupid thing I didn't when I was younger. Since then, our relationship was not the same, so I moved to Prague for work and then we almost lost contact."

"Did you two fight?"

"Well, we were teenagers, but Henry was so responsible… I got pregnant and Henry blamed himself for it. He said he should have taken care of me. He said I should go through it, because he would help me. But I didn't do it… I couldn't. I didn't even know how to take care of myself.".

"So I presume you had an abortion…"

"Yes, and that's why Henry didn't talk much about me. Because I hurt his feelings. Because he was willing to help me, and I didn't take his offer. I was so selfish. I killed my own baby. And, yes, I regret it; especially now that he is not over here anymore."

"I'm sure you did what was best for you, Nina. You can't blame yourself for what happened."

"Yes, I know. But I can blame myself for not coming to his funeral, for not knowing that you two were married, for not being here for you when you most needed. I blame myself for those kinds of things, you know?"

"Nina, seriously. It's not your fault. There was nothing you could do. Besides, you're here anyways… You have a niece now. And I'm sure you'd make some time for her, to be with her, to be her aunt, because you're the only aunt she has around. How long are you willing to stay here?"

Despite the fact that they barely knew each other, Teddy knew Nina was a good person. She could feel it; just like she felt the first time she talked to Henry. She could feel that Nina was there, because she wanted to help. Because she wanted to be there, for her brother, as he once had been there for her.

"I'm moving back to Seattle. My husband got a job offer here, so we are moving back."

"That is wonderful. We'll have plenty of time to get to know each other and you'll have plenty of time to ask me anything you want to know. Now, if you excuse me, I have to take Sydney to the daycare, because I have to scrub in for a surgery."

Teddy handed Nina a card with her number, in case she wanted to call for a visit.

"Teddy, wait!".

Teddy turned around with Sydney barely awake in her arms. Nina was still standing there, holding the card, frozen.

"Did he suffer?"

"Not much, Nina."

"That's good."

* * *

><p>It had been a hell of a day by the time Teddy reached home with Sydney. The little girl was again sleeping in Teddy's arms, wrapped around her neck, her little head placed on Teddy's shoulder.<p>

She could say that there wasn't a better feeling that the one she was having now: to have your child sleeping beautifully with her head against your shoulder. To be able to hear every single breath Sydney was taking. To be able to see that Henry was still there with her. She was alone, but she wasn't lonely, she was starting to feel like home again.

**I still get those stupid butterflies,**

**But it's just what you do.***

***Everything you do – He is we**


	6. To my Family, with love

**To my family, with love – Henry.**

**A/N**: Sorry for taking this long to update! Hope you like this one… And thank you so much for all the reviews! You guys are sooooo kind!

_It might sound really creepy and cliché at the same time, but I'm afraid of what might happen soon. My body is not the same anymore and it feels like it is going to succumb any day from today. And – since I love you more than words can tell – I'm writing this to let you know that I know things you think I don't._

_Last morning, you woke up before I did. I stayed in bed, because I was really tired, but I woke up when I heard you were throwing up. So, you opened our bathroom's door and reached for a bag you left on our kitchen table on the night before. I didn't look for it, but I knew you had four boxes inside that bag and I also knew they were from a pharmacy._

_You took that bag and locked yourself inside our bathroom for half an hour. I wanted to get in there to find out what was happening, but – deep inside – I already knew what you were doing in there. So, when you got out of there, I went there to take a shower and I found four sticks inside our trash, four of them indicating what I already knew, that you were pregnant with my son or daughter._

_As I am writing this letter, I am getting terrified. You haven't told me yet and I am afraid I might die before you do, so – if you didn't have the chance to do it, Aurora – I want you to know that I died with this thought in mind. That someday we'll have a little me/you walking around this world._

_I'm sorry if I couldn't stick around during your labor, but bear this thought in mind: I was there, not personally, but I was there._

_And, now, you are probably holding a box full of letters in your hands. It says: to my family, because now I actually can say I have one. I did all of these, Teddy, because I want our child to know I loved him/her even if I didn't have the chance to meet him/her. I want you to know that having this baby is the best thing that you and I could have together._

_I love you more than you can imagine, so – please – promise me you won't read these letters before the days they are entitled with._

_For my lover,_

_With love,_

_Henry._

Teddy was holding Sydney. Her hands were shaking when she stared at that box again. A few minutes ago, Nina had come with that box in her hands. She said the only reason she was in Seattle was because Henry had made her promise she would hand this box to Teddy if something happened during the last surgery he had.

She couldn't believe he knew she was pregnant. She couldn't believe he kept this secret from her because he wanted her to make a decision. He wanted to give her some space, to let her decide if she wanted to keep this baby, this pregnancy. Now, she realized he loved her more than she thought he did.

Teddy slid her back against the door, Sydney was still in her arms. Her eyes were filling with tears, her heart was pounding. She stared at the box one more time and then got the gut to open it. The next letter was entitled:

_To Teddy. Open it when you feel like you are missing me._

And so she did. She didn't bother with the envelope, she ripped it open and unfolded the sheets that Henry put in there.

_Aurora,_

_I don't know what day is today, I don't know how you are feeling. The only thing I know is that you are missing me, which means I am missing you too. I wish I could have been there to feel that baby kick your belly. I wish I could have been there to rub your back when it was hurting due to all this pregnancy weight. I wish I could have been there to help you with the baby at night, but - if you are reading this – I wasn't. I mean, I was there, but I wasn't there physically. So, promise me you will keep one thing in mind: I love you. I've loved you since the first day I've seen you walking around SGH and – from that day on – I couldn't stop thinking about you._

_There a few things I wish I could have done with you. I wish I could have picked our baby's name with you, although I know how you will name her if she is a girl. You told me once that – since I liked Sydney way too much, you'd name our first daughter after it. So… Maybe I've helped you choose it._

_Still, this box is all for you, my family. I love you the inside out, Teddy. I always will. But you have to promise me something: promise me you will move on. I know you won't forget me, but you have to move on. And I'll be happy, because you are happy._

_That's it for now._

_I'll love you, always and forever._

_Henry._

She wanted to read more. She wanted to make sure she could still remember his face, his voice, his scent, because – as the days passed by – she was forgetting it.

So she went through all the letters, she didn't read it, but she went through all its titles until she reached one: "To Sydney, Happy Sweet Sixteen." P.S: hand it to her if our baby was a girl.

She couldn't help herself but cry. Not just some tears, a whole waterfall. Sydney was staring at her, terrified.

"Your dad knows you exist, Syd. He will never forget you and I'll make sure you will know as much as I do about him. He may not be here, but he is here and he loves you."

Teddy closed that box and placed it on the fireplace. The next letter she was going to open was entitled:

"To Teddy, Happy Birthday."

The box was filled with 365 letters, all made for special occasions, such as: Teddy's birthdays, their child's birthday, their child's wedding and graduation…


End file.
